I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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