My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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