i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
