We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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