well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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