I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is my gift to your gina
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
