Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
