she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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