I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
nutella sex= disaster
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
