what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
