oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
