I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
