Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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