what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
