My sheets look like a crime scene.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
