Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
