...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
