I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
