Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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