ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I love you. Go after that dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
