Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
