Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
