Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
