I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
