I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
