Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
