So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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