dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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