there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
