Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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