Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
