Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I died a long time ago.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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