My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
