Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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