question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
