also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have fence marks all over my body
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize