maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
