So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
