Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
