My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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