New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
