Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
