Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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