Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
