also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
