I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
