My friends, they love my intelligence
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found puke in my bra..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
