He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
