I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
