mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
