u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
