I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we're so committed to being not committed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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