Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
