We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
