Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
