so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
