Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
