the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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