Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
