somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
