i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
