im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
