Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
