you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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