hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
