And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
