What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
