so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
