Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
