i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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