I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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