So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
