My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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