My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
