Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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