I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
